in transit

this has been my view for most of last week - from the kitchen window of my friend eric's who lives very very very east montreal, somewhere off honore-beaugrand. it feels like the suburbs - like what i imagined the suburbs were like, from mostly reading american novels. after 8 a.m, it's all quiet and still, except for the squirrels playing in the trees. the postman comes, then the garbage car passes. from time to time, a group of kindergartners passes, all the kids tied together to a cord. i have the tv on, the morning program in french. i drink coffee and orange juice and i feel in a...not even in a movie, just a movie still.

this is the beginning of stage 2, the ordinary, day to day stagnation, where nothing will happen for a while, and i don't know what it's building up toward.

look at eric's house- you would think it's small and cute, right? this is a 2-level house, with the basement part as extensive and functional as the upstairs.

i slept surrounded by boxes and furniture, only like 10% of which were mine. it puts in perspective how little stuff i do have, relative to other people. these things were mostly things i left here last year, and i looked at them with a sense of estranged-ness. i realized i had given them up for good at one point: all the old papers, shoes, blankies, sweaters. a small box of jewelry. i truly had no idea at that time whether i was going to see them ever again, and after i'd made peace with that it was weird to see them again after all, and call them mine again.
possession is a fucked-up thing.

like a bird on a wire

it's getting cold, and colder. they say around 5 degrees, but it feels worse with the wind. from eric's to downtown it's 20 minutes walking to the metro, then at least half an hour by metro. enough to make me feel very far, though i'm not clear yet what exactly i was far from. the bustle, the familiar things. i forced myself to get out of the house every day.

this is mont-royal in weekend rain, seen from the windows of a "second cup" cafe. i guess my former neighbourhood is my default place to go when i'm waiting around for something. i was waiting around to pick up the keys to my new place. i had a book i had to finish. one more afternoon that doesn't care whether you do or don't do something. the wind was upturning people's umbrellas. i think i might need gloves already.

i'd like to say i've settled now, but the truth is it's still cold and i still force myself to get out of the house every day. the only thing that's changed from last week is that now i can actually spend whole days not talking to anyone, if i chose to.

for here, this is new.