fight

one second we're buying fruit at the market stalls
the next we're biting each other's heads off.

i have screamed, hurling shoes at the walls
then lived between those walls, the grimy indentations visible
to my eyes only. i have made my bed and lain in it
choked by shadows.

fighting is lonely work, a clashing of strangers.
from inside your armor, you're outside of the blows.

i have woken up at 4 a.m. to shoot another long email. words
settled like black snowflakes that don't even add up
til they do add up. i have cried beyond the point where
it's useful, as either weapon or penance.

then i cried some more and wrote a poem.
you clenched your jaw and were silent longer, harder.

i have walked away, only to circle from the side,
only to walk away. i have the gesture polished to perfection:
the sudden twist, head held high
til i turn the corner. if you follow

we will lose and lose, with no consequence
til there is consequence.

for now, the past isn't even past.
one keyboard tap brings everything back.