happy things

in the middle of tiredness, confusion and uncertainty, there are dozens of lists. this is how i keep some semblance of organization or planning: what to buy, what to do; schedule; feeding log. and here's a list i should never lose sight of, of small things that make everything worth it. it's a list-in-progress, obviously, but here are some things on it:
- baby smiles. also baby facial expression and weird positions she sleeps in

here's Rada taking up the kitchen futon, while Tina keeps cautious distance. she used to sleep with her hands up (still does) but also with her legs up - what's up with that?

- trying out new things with her; ok, maybe being successful with new things, because trying in itself is pretty daunting. figuring out the bathing routine, putting her to sleep in the crib (which she generally dislikes), getting the hang of the baby-bjorn (i only went out alone with her once!!) and the boba wrap. i like using everything, or as much as possible, of the stuff we bought for her, plus all these things provide so much more comfort and free time in the medium to long run.

first days of the wrap - b. is better at it than me. i usually carry her in the wrap in the morning when everyone's asleep - to have breakfast and do stuff. including writing this post. it makes me feel slightly competent and a bit more human - hey, here's me doing things

- from the category "i have a life, too": listening to a lot of music (via b.'s playlists - i had lost the habit somewhere around last year) and reading shamelessly (while pumping; while the baby is asleep on me etc); mostly fantasy: i've been through the "his dark materials" omnibus, "hunger games", a bunch of neil gaiman...of course this leads to singing things to the baby, and telling her weird stories.

- inventorying baby clothes; it's the first time i have to care for someone else's wardrobe, so i start out pretty clueless. we received a lot of stuff, which is packed or ranged in 3 different places, and we had very little to start with when she was very very tiny and most clothes were ridiculously big on her. we started minimally (maybe 2 sleepers, 3 shirts and 5 pants) but nowadays there are a lot more things she can fit into. so i go through stuff once every few days and usually come up with a bunch of new shirts and pyjamas to try out on her.

growing into a new outfit

- photo-worthy moments. usually i don't take pictures of them, as they're hard to capture, but at the same time they're the stuff of every day. mostly b. with Rada and Tina, all looking cute; or a glimpse of us walking outside, caught in a window. or just small Rada things:

ETA:
- i've never been happier to see poop in my life

- and it's getting closer and closer to spring. fantasizing about the day we can go out without the (relatively) huge winter jacket