between crazy and cozy

things have been pretty weird since i started school, with islands of hectic social life alternating with oceans of complete quiet. i can`t really make plans because i`m never sure how much time i do have, because i`m not disciplined enough to assess how long my reading/schoolwork will take me etc. so i end up promising to go to stuff, and then drowning in stress and self-pity later on. with a hangover too, if applicable. i want to be a good student! most of my stress is about trying to do things right, as a person who could afford, at her former job, to ...work pretty independently and without supervision, ha. also, i want to meet new people because this is my chance to meet new people! so i end up running around like a glassy-eyed puppy, and then rolling on the floor gasping and tearing my hair off. 

i don`t know how illustrative these pictures will be for external observers, but this is what i have: 

party at mel`s place! i grilled things! i started up the responsible person, and ended up trying to sleep while singing leonard cohen, then hanging around with the last of the party, to take the last night bus home. like in the good old days. this, in all truthfulness, is about a once-a-year occurence for me. 

the party was very melanie: if it doesn`t have an outdoor space, lights and animals, it`s not a melanie party

also: strictly veggies and tofu. take it or leave it. 

and this, i think, also captures the spirit. this is one of a series of...paintings...that were found abandoned outside, and saved/giving a second life. their second life apparently is to be the laughing stock of people stoned on kratum, but ok. girls playing with fire. 

this was still summer - more than 2 weeks ago. hot enough to wear a top, cold enough to have to borrow a sweater when i left in the morning. previously that day, i had met up separately with 2 other people and gone places and watched a few episodes of animation and had a margarita for lunch and a beer for dinner. not wild, really, but hectic. and also it felt young and disconnected from my life. but on the other hand what isn`t , these days? 

even this is something that i don`t really recognize. i spent one whole weekend and half of another one at home doing reading for school on my sofa. this was the coldest weekend we`ve had since april, i think, i couldn`t just sit on the sofa, because i needed my feet wrapped up and also lying on the sofa is conducive to napping. so i made this semi-blanket-fort. also pictured: the celce-murcia book, my enemy.

persian rose blossom tea at cafe aunja on sherbrooke, one of my possible homes from home.

i found this cafe by chance, but it`s fitting for my purposes: it has space, it has desks for tables, i.e. one can work there; it has good background noise and good music. it`s close to school so i can walk there in 2 mins. i spent one afternoon in when i had to go out at noon and then next i had a class at 6 pm. obviously it`s more expensive than a second cup, so...we`ll see. but at least once in a while, perfect.

parc la fontaine, this sunday afternoon, right before the climate march started to move

i`d promised some people i would go to climate march, so i went although in my neighbourhood it was raining super-hard. sure enough, when i got there the rain started there too...as it does. and only stopped immediately at the end of the march, when a very sunny, bright and warm late afternoon ensued. oh well. it felt good to be in the march anyway. we walked down to berri-uqam and then up from ste-catherine at place-des-arts til parc jeanne mance. the sign in front of us in the picture says , on the front, "march now, or" and on the back "swim later"

at parc jeanne mance. i think the rest of the crowd stayed there a bit after.

shorter: it`s hard to make sense right now of what my life is becoming. and these are only the cozy things, things i do alone or with people i know/trust.

even harder to mention or talk about: classes. i think most of them are going pretty well, i like my TESL group especially, but i do worry sometimes about how i must come across to them. we`ll cross that bridge maybe soon, when we apparently must.

so: next: denial. and bridge crossing.