a formal feeling (ghazal)

it's hard to write good fixed form poetry, because the form part is like an extra challenge. but it can be fun to practise, as a mechanical exercise, where you just try to basically stick unsubtle content to the given form. i haven't done it often, because why - but now i've thought of trying it in the hope of getting unstuck.
actually, this is a story about how prompting clues add up until a crazy idea doesn't seem that crazy anymore.
i've been getting small nudges toward formal poetry lately, and what can be done with it.

i think it started with hearing the american poet Jay Parini at a reading (he is a very good reader!) - he read a poem written post 9/11 (which i'm almost positive is a rondeau?!?) and introduced it by quoting emily dickinson: "after great pain, a formal feeling comes".
here's the dickinson poem http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/47651

and here's parini's http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse?contentId=41571

second part, a bit later, i came to some iranian music through someone else's spotify, and there was this gem, which i proceeded to listen to on repeat for days and days:

mohsen namjoo - nameh. the form of this is a ghazal, and the text is from the poet Hafiz, who lived in the 14th century. so this song led me back to reading hafiz and reading about the ghazal. (which was supposed to be a song - and is a song, up to nowadays, in some eastern cultures.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghazal

anyway, my shortlist of requirements for the ghazal is as follows:

-the rhyme scheme aa ba ca da......
- couplets (minimum 5, usually 7 of them)
- couplets are only loosely connected, through the theme
- theme is always longing or loss in love
- each line has the same meter
- poet's line is included in the last verse
- there is a refrain, picked up in every couplet

I could not for the life of me write a refrain that would both sound ok and make sense!!
i think it's mostly the mindset you start with, and which part of these rigid rules you cling to most. i was all bent on doing lots of rhyme, which comes easy to me, so the refrain part kind of just fell under. (i also think this is typical of how westerners approach eastern types of poetry, clearly only skimming the surface of that complexity, picking and choosing which rules to follow. which is fine if you are fine with an imperfect ghazal).
in the same way, i'll just say related to theme, there are depths of nuances etc in traditional ghazals that i would never use a fixed form to try to reach just off the cuff . so i wrote a poem, i am ok with sharing, but it probably shouldn't be in a "best of ghazals" collection :)


Ghazal 1 [ My love waits in the shadows...]

My love waits in the shadows, and watches time unfold:
It's time that'll make it real and worthy to behold.

It's like the early budlings that spring brings forth each year:
Will they survive and flourish, or wither in the cold?

I yearn to live the moment, but at the same time hurry
to skip into the future, to fight what's been foretold.*

On seeing all the hurdles that lie before us, clear,
I both exult and tremble, I'm cowardly and bold.

They say have fun, enjoy it, don't live your life in fear.
I nod and tap the phone screen to see if he has called.

Here, all that separates us would raise no grounds for worry,
Out there us together would leave the world appalled.

Oh girl**, the love you're singing is nothing but a story
The world is hard on dreamers who stay naive too old.


* h/t to julian barnes ("history of the world in 10 1/2 chapters", the "parenthesis" half-chapter)
** i can totally fit my name in that line!