this time around

cluj 2014

if i look back i am lost
 says everyone before looking back

later, when thinking of now, melting it over other gone days
most of us would say our sun shone bright
through dozens of deadlines and wishlists,
that we were in our prime still and the place felt like unpacking a gift
with new rooms sprouting in the labyrinth of a bar
in the meandering old streets, faster than we could count money for tips.
i blink like i did fifteen years ago.
late at night the city flat out, lit,
lots of work to do, things,
one year caught up, bookended by acceptance rather than promises.

but it can never be black and white with me, memory stains
corners bus stops other people´s routines,
waiting with the phone, beyond the paving stones the machines
eating asphalt in the trembling heat,
the small-resortness of it, the nervous placidity.
every year this town shrinks more and more,
they say, the burning colors shifting shape, i hear,
a good place to grow old in, a good place
to raise a family, a place to play at being carefree,
play music and watch the aftenoon rain
while someone else is packing to go.